The realest I am ever going to get.

This one might offend you. Do I care? No.

Never have. 

Does that mean I don't care about anything? No.

I care about a lot. I care too much. 

I care about her. I care how she feels. I care about the things she says to me and how she feels. I will never disregard them because I know they are secrets that only me and her will understand. I will be the one to make the french toast though from now on, and every time I have whipped cream I think about you.

I care about my family. They have built me. I was made from my mom and dads teaching's and lessons. I will always love them even though I am going to 5,729 miles away for the next two years. 

I care about him. He changed my life and put me on the track to be where I am today. The crazy red head that would never drop a pass made it so that I could be the man I want to be and I don't think he even knows it. He will soon, because it isn't coincidence that I am going to Hungary. There isn't such a thing called coincidence. 

I care about what people think of me. Everyone does. If you say you don't care what people think about you then you are lying to yourself. I care about what type of guy people think I am. I care how I look. Who doesn't. Mirrors are used for a reason.

I care about all I have learned from my mistakes. I have made a lot and it has made me the person I am today. I am proud of who I am today. Right now. That is all that matters to me.

There is even more I don't care about. 

Care is probably the wrong word. 

I am more just sick of things. Ready to move on.

I am ready to never have to deal with fake friends. Bros before Hoes. 

I am ready to get out of High School. It isn't even the learning or the homework. It is the environment. The judging, the back stabbers, the clicks, the pressure. It all just doesn't matter. Life is just beginning and I am for sure ready for that. I don't get how people say I want stay in high school forever. Yes leaving means you have to work and grow up but that means I get to start a family. The people around me will actually be real, and there won't be drama. If you want to stay be my guest but all I see, is life floating on the surface and high school is the ball and chain that is drowning me. 

I will remember some of you. Most will be forgotten. I will be forgotten, and that doesn't bug me.

 High school is a small piece of my life and I know I am going on to bigger and better things. I am for ever grateful for the experiences I have had. I have learned that locking your feelings up is the safest way to go. I have learned if you are just quite and listen and don't draw attention to yourself life is a whole lot better. I have learned that the worst pain in the world is when you trust someone and they betray you. Girl or guy. I have learned how to control myself from punching someone as hard as I can. I still wish I gave you a right hook to the side of your face that you would never forgot. 

I have hated senior year. Everyone says it's amazing and have the best times of there life. Well not me. It has been a let down. I never have worked so hard for something in my life to lose first round. I have never been so disappointed hearing of the things they were doing. I love them to death thats why it sucks so much. I just hope they can stay the good kids I know they are. I have never been stabbed so hard in the back. Especially from you two. Then you say you can't come to one of the biggest days of my life because you have a date, with a girl you barley even know. 

Screw you man. For real. 

Then the year got better. I met you. We are the same person. Besides the fact that you get tacos and not a burrito, And I have never been so excited for a summer. Two years is going to be a long time but you better keep our promise. 

There is so much I want to say. I want to tell him thank you for always asking how close my papers where to going in. It meant a lot that you cared so much. I want to tell her how much she pisses me off. I want to tell him that he is so two faed and has some legit issues. I want to be good at poetry and I am jealous of those who are. I want to know how to write to give people chills. I want to be the kid that blows people away with his open mic. 

I care to much. I can't get my feelings out. I think to much.

So for now I will end by saying I am not a person to judge. I am someone that if you tell me I can't do it, I will do it just to rub it in your face. I will listen for hours and not say one word. You can tell me all your secrets and not one will ever slip past my lips. I can be a hypocrite. I try to always be real. 

This post is the realist I can come without offending a lot of people. 

I hope you all can be excited for life for life outside of high school and...

 Jó szerencsét mindenkinek

My heart

I can't tell you how my heart does it. Keeps it together and can hold so much.

I am not one to open up and talk about my feelings to anyone, ever. I am the type of person that just listens to other peoples hearts. I like to help people when they get there heart broken, or when there heart feels like it's upside down and isn't working the right way. Then they ask me how my heart is. In reply it is always the same response.

I'm fine.

I don't let my heart open up and talk to people. I am too scared of what it might say.

My heart is a secure bunker that takes time and skill to get into. It is only opened up to things of the most importance in my life.

I have made the mistake of letting people into my life that have left a bomb, got out and waited to watch my heart crumble to the ground. I have sense then double my security and made sure that everyone is cleared before entering. It would probably be easier to break into the White House lets just say that.

Sometimes I wish I could have a talk with my heart. Tell it to chill out on the caring. Let it know that not every single thing in my life has to be cared about, but no matter what it always ends up doing the exact opposite. Don't get me wrong caring is a good thing and I am glad my heart is functioning in that way but it sometimes works to hard on caring and not enough on knowing what is best for me.

I feel like I was given to many feelings for a guy. Like aren't guys supposed to just be able to forget? That would be nice that's for sure. It might just because my brain and heart are connected by a short cord and my heart is able to over power my brain, even if my brain is just trying to forget.

Your heart can kill you, but is the only thing that makes us feel alive.

With out my heart I would not be able to pick up my niece and hold her and listen to her tiny little heart beat at a million beats per second. I wouldn't be able to hear her crying and never want to hear it again because something that precious should never be crying.

Without my heart I wouldn't be able to hug my mom every night and realize that one day I wont be able to feel her arms around me.

I wouldn't be able to feel sadness and how much it hurts to be lied to.

I wouldn't be able to be who am.

My heart is who I am, the real me.

So get to know me and I might introduce you.

Just a simple happy post

For some reason every time I have to write a blog post I feel like I have to be sad. I am not down for that tonight. I am actually having a great day today and I am going to stay happy. This weekend has been amazing. Senior prom, playing lacrosse all week and weekend, and a solid three hour nap today. What could be better. I have grown to actually like writing on my blog. Put in some good music and relax and just write on sunday nights. I know I am supposed to not do both in the same night but this week has been a little busy. So this is just going to be a simple post saying that being happy is good and you should try it out. All you have to do is things you love and not let others get you down. There is so much to life and being in high school we don't even scratch the surface. None of us have had the opportunity to look into someones eyes and know you are going to spend eternity with them, at least I don't any of us have, and if you have then more power to ya. We haven't been able to look at a child and be able to call it our own. We haven't been to a collage and seen how much there is to life. Once again we are almost done and are just about to start life, and i'm pretty pumped.

I dont like remembering

I remember going to the first day of church.
I remember the song me and Alex boxed to.
I remember not being friends anymore.
I remember when she got cancer.
I remember when she died.
I remember how he cut me out of his life, just because I was trying to help.
I remember skateboarding.
I remember tackling him in fourth grade, it gave me a headache and I had to go home.
I remember being a happy kid.
I remember missing my brother.
I remember him trading our family for it.
I remember all the fights.
I remember my mom trying to hide that she was crying.
I remember the night when they told us.
I remember Valentines day.
I remember no one caring.
I remember no one coming to say good bye.
I remember freshman year.
I remember hating everyone.
I remember the batman shirt I still have, and i bet she doesn't even remember me.
I remember running away because my sister yelled at me for spilling the lemonade.
I remember how hard it was to just walk away.
I remember how judgmental everyone was.
I remember them trying to intimidate me.
I remember my first time sitting in that chair.
I remember the email that changed my life.
I remember getting in a fight right before a baptism.
I remember beating Eldorado in eighth grade.
I remember the feeling of the burning turf under my feat.
I remember going back and hating it.
I remember my parents figuring out that we would always walk home together.
I remember going under water and coming up like i just shook hands with the devil.
I remember when he shaved his head.
I remember when he never showed p and left me just waiting.
I remember what real friends feel like.
I remember it being fake.
I remember watching the stars.

My video

Film Festival Video 

This isn't even going to be about shoes.

This is going to be one of those times when Nelson gives a prompt and I am going to somewhat follow it and then go a totally different way with it.

I love my shoes. I have a solid Four pairs. Five if you count sandals. Let's meet my shoes. 

Shoe 1- These are my nikes. Well one of my nikes. These are more new then my second pair. I got them for Christmas and was a little surprised because I never get another pair of shoes until I need them,  but hey, I wasn't complaining. These shoes fit a little bit tighter then my others. This might be because I got too small of a size but felt to bad to return them, because you know returning a present is just rude. So, I squeeze into them. These are the shoes that I wear when I am wearing clothes that match. Don't get me wrong I do NOT pick out my "outfits" and make sure they look good together. I just make sure stuff matches, because there is nothing worse then not matching in my mind. Also, these shoes make my feet hot which means stinky feet sometimes. Which is the downside to these shoes. 

Shoe Pair 2- These are also my nikes. These are much older then the pair above but I still like them just as much. These are a lot looser on my feet then my red nikes. Which means they are more comfortable but also take away the feeling like I can go run a million miles. Another plus is that they always keep my feet comfortably cool. I also where these shoes to match. 

Shoe pair 3- These are my church shoes. They are extremely comfortable and fit like a glove. These are only worn for church or events when I am dressing up. I have had these for a very long time and have gone to many school dances in them. They have been through a lot of awesome door step scenes and also the awkward ones. They are getting a little old and I am going to have to retire them before I go on the mish. Gotta get an upgrade. Which brings me to why this isn't even about shoes. 

Shoe pair 4- They are sandals. Ya thats about it. They have a cafeteria band from CEU (football Camp) still on them which I am very proud that it is still on there. 

Shoe pair 5- These are my running shoes. The newest addition to my shoe collection. They are already dirty because pretty much the only place I go running is up in the mountains but that is for another post. These shoes are still being broken in but they are very comfortable and super breathable. So I like them so far. 

Anyways.

Is it just me that ever thinks about objects not just being objects, like if they had feelings how would they feel. Almost like Toy Story but with everything.

I will start with shoes. Tomorrow I don't know what shoes I am going to wear. Not Pair 3. For sure not 4. Probably pair 2. Then I think, how does that make the other shoes feel. Left behind? Not liked? Not Comforting enough? How awful would it be if every object actually had feelings and knew what was going on.

My pillow would feel like a punching bag that has to comfort my head at night, gets left all day, and then on bad days gets smacked around without even knowing what it did. Then it brings the thought to my head, is that a purpose a pillow, to get your anger out on it? 

What about that sock that we all have that never gets worn. It stays at the bottom of our drawer everyday in the dark. Surrounded by socks that get worn once a week. Have been washed in the last month. Have actually felt what its like to be put on. It would give up getting holes in it all over if it could be worn just once. I try to wear every sock I have just because if socks do have feelings, I don't want them to feel left out, because that feeling sucks. 

Then there is the golf ball that was hit only once, and for the couple of seconds that it is flying through the air doing the exact thing its supposed to do. Until suddenly it splashes down and starts to sink in the pond. Looking up at you as it sinks deeper and deeper. Watching you decide if it is worth going in for, and then watching you walk away. I hate thinking like this because it makes me feel awful because I know how it feels to be left behind.

People are the exact same way. We can't always yell out and say no don't forget me, please wear me around and act like you care to have me, or stop beating me up and actually show you like my company. This doesn't mean we don't feel these things. I sure do. 

Writing makes me sleepy

I can't sleep. While it seems like everyone is off in every corner of the world I am in Highland Utah awake laying in bed staring at my ceiling. I wish my room didn't have a ceiling. Instead, I wish it was glass. So I could look up at the stars all night long. (Fun fact, I love the stars and space. I would go star gazing over just about anything). How cool would it be to be able to just watch the universe as you drift off to sleep. All the galaxy's amaze me. They are all so big and have so much unknown to them. It makes me think what even am I, compared to them. Is there other life out there looking out and seeing me? If there is then we can't be to different if we are both staring into the stars. This probably makes you think I want to be a astronaut. I couldn't be an astronaut. I would never want to come back to earth.  After all maybe that wouldn't be so bad. I would be able to star gaze all the time. I wouldn't have to come back and live with all the fake people in my life. I would want to stay out in space making friends with shooting stars and play baseball with meteors. Now I'm starting to fall asleep. Finally.

Goodnight.

Selfie

Incase you didn't see my last post. My name is Cameron Ure. Heres a quick picture incase you cant match a name with a face. 

Done running. HA HA get the joke?

Dear Lone Peak Creative Writing, 

Writing is something i'm not good at. I am not one that enjoys reading blogs all night long and one that can write amazing posts that make people shiver. I am the type that struggles with getting my thoughts out. I have so many but I just don't know how to write them down. I think about everything. I enjoy sitting and just watching people. Maybe that makes it look like i'm sad, just sitting there not talking. Hey maybe some days I am, but mostly its my head spinning with over-anylizing thoughts. Me not being able to formulate these thoughts into paragraphs probably makes it seem like I am not trying or don't care. You have no idea how long I sit and try to think of something extraordinary. It just never comes. Yes I am comparing to the posts that I have read or that are shared. They are all so good. I wish I could tell you my thoughts and have you write them and make them art. It doesn't help that I have to have the dumb football player label either. Ya I may be a jock. Ya I sit in front of the knight at lunch. That doesn't mean anything. I wish the knight wasn't even real. I wish this stupid school didn't have clicks. This might be hypocritical and if it is I don't mean it to be. I just wish everyone could be friends and there didn't have to be labels. I don't want the jock label. I actually hate being called the football player because it automatically puts the reputation on me of one of those kids. So i'm sorry. I am just done of hiding and trying to be someone I am not. 

Sincerely,
Cameron Ure 

My Current Mood

Currently 

Fill in the blanks

I feel like my heads going to explode right off my head, my chest is going to fill up, and my heart is going to pitter out and die. I have so many mixed emotions that I can't even think straight. I cant even focus on this post right now because it doesn't matter. I am going to graduate. Going to be forgotten. I am not going to be the person that gets invited back to share poetry in front of a class. I'm not deep. I am straight up and I just tell it how it is. So tonight I'm pissed off, sad, excited, torn, worried, nervous, scared, and most of all ready to be done with all that High School brings. Sorry nelson but i'm just not feeling it tonight. 

Fear is.

Fear is coming home late and seeing your parents light still on.
Fear is the molment of when you turn the light off and run up the stairs because for some reason you think something is going to chase you just because it's dark.
Fear is checking under the bed when you were a kid, or even now.
Fear is getting to school and realizing you forgot to put on deohderant.
Fear is when you are snowboarding and almost slide right off a cliff.
Fear is thinking about dropping the game winning pass and having everyone hate you.
Fear is not knowing if you are ready to leave for two years.
Fear is knowing you won't have your mom there to be able to help you whenever you need it.
Fear is a abandoned hospital that is supposed to be haunted.
Fear is not being able to support your family.
Fear is not being able to have a family.
Fear is having my family not want to talk to me.
Fear is having close people in my life cut me out of theirs.
Fear is the split second you think you are chocking before the piece of ice you were sucking in melts and slides down your throat.
Fear is marring the wrong person.
Fear is finding the right person to marry but they don't want to marry you back.
Fear is me as a sophmore looking up at the seniors thinking they could kill me with one punch.
Fear is meeting a new coach and trying to make a good impression.
Fear is me being late everyday and making it seem like I don't care, but in all honesty I try super hard to get there on time.
Fear is not being good enough.
Fear is letting someone down.
Fear is real.
I have a lot of it.

I have only slept for 6 1/2 hours in the last two days. My eye lids feel like they are both weighted with 200 pounds, but as I got ready for bed and my face hit the pillow I remembered I had not done two posts. So here's a list of things that have to,too, or two in it.

• Total
• Tooth
• Toe 
• Toilet 
• Toys 
• Twofold 
• Toothpaste
• Toothpick 
• Together 
• Potatoes 
• Tomorrow 
• Tortola 
• Betos..... We will end it there.

Constantly fighting the urge to drown

Life is like a box of chocolate, you never know what you are going to get. 

Thats not true at all though. Life is like a ocean. It pushes you the way it is flowing but you can always swim against the current. There is always things coming from the dark depth to drag you down. There is somewhere land that you can get to. If its at the bottom, or if you are the lucky one that makes it to dry land. I'm in the stage of life where I am laid back looking at the sky coasting along on the ocean. Once or twice a day I feel fish bumping into me or trying to take a nibble at me. Then there is the days when i'm swimming against the current and a see a fin poking up out of the water. Those are days when you have to fight to not be dragged into the water and to give up. If life gets to hard to swim in there is a easy solution, just coast on the top. Thinking about nothing but the clouds above you and wondering where the current is taking you. 

Life

Life

Life

life/līf/

noun the condition that distinguishes animals and plants from inorganic matter, including the capacity for growth, reproduction, functional activity, and continual change preceding death. the existence of an individual human being or animal. the period between the birth and death of a living thing, especially a human being. (in art) the depiction of a subject from a real model, rather than from an artist's imagination.

death/deTH/

noun the action or fact of dying or being killed; the end of the life of a person or organism.

drown/droun/

verb die through submersion in and inhalation of water. (Edit)

drown/droun/

verb die through submersion in and inhalation of LIFE.

Graduation 
regrets 
anticipation 
done
undereducated 
advancement 
time 
intersection 
over 
new 

Can't wait to just be done am I right?

Jenga

I used to think that my family was un-touchable to problems. 

To the 12 P.M. fights when they thought i couldn't hear, but i heard every word.

 Thats when the bricks started to get pulled out. 

It's like my family life was a game of Jenga and every time something happened a brick was pulled out.

 A brick when he got caught. 

A brick when they couldn't decide what to do.

 At least three or four when he decided to go down that path, falling off the deep end. 

Then my parents told us, and the whole stack of bricks crumbled to the ground. 

The mess was impossible to clean up. 

He never helped. He refused to even try.

 Our stack of bricks called family seemed like it was never going to be put back together. 

We had to try though. Brick by brick coming back together. 

Having times like we used to.

 I hope he remembers the nights when we would have talks. 

He gave me advice. 

Some was good, but we where talking and thats all that mattered.

 Adding bricks one after the other. 

Our stack of bricks is almost as big as it used to be. 

10 month old baby

What does a ten month old baby think about.

If I was a baby I would let my mind float from one thing to another. I wouldn't focus on one thing for to long because why would you need to? I wouldn't have to worry about graduating high school. Would be able to relax and not stress about leaving my family for two years. I would be able to just crawl around on the floor and cry when i tried to stand up. I feel like if i went inside a 10 month old babies head this is what it would say if they could think like a 17 year old.

Why are you trying to hold me so tight i feel like i'm going to be crushed. Every time you touch me it has to be kisses or tickling or hugs. I just want to sit here and play with my stuffed teddy bear in piece. Oh wait, what is that. I want to touch it. Of course every time i get close you have to pick me up and give me weird faces. Why can't you just look at me normally? I feel like I am not aloud to do anything in this house. I cant wait for the day i can finally take a couple steps, then more, and then enough so i can be fast enough to get to thing i want to touch and you wont be able to do anything about it.

Then again babies don't even know whats going on the whole time. They don't think about anything. When I am with one I honestly don't either. Thats why i like hanging out with a ten month old baby. It doesn't care. It just wants its next Cheerio. I feel like i just threw up random stuff about babies and now i'm going to go a whole different way.

Babies are amazing things. They make peoples lives exciting and make people happy and sad. They stress parents out and they worry them constently. I am able to sit back and watch and learn about raising a baby. This baby wasn't planned I guess but its here now and now is when it was supposed to come. Can babies tell when someone isn't feeling right? Can they see threw you. Or is it just a coincidence that i'm getting a big hug from one right now.

love is like

Love is like a Burning room, Getting out is sometimes the hardest part.

Love is like a boat, to keep it floating you have to patch holes.

love is like rug burn, it burns until you get used to it.

Love is like water, we can fall in it, drown in it, and cant live without it.

Love is like a shadow, we cant touch it, yet its alway's with us.

Love is like a pen, it can create good things but also destroy.

Love is like a candle it can run out.

Love is like grass, you have to take care of it or it will die.

Love is like a cut, it can heal and go away or make a scar and always be there. 

Love is torture.

Love is like an old pair of shoes, it can take you many places. 

Love is sacrifice. 

Love is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get. 

Love is like getting punched in the face, sometimes you wanna punch it back.

Love is like a trap, you get caught in it without even knowing. 

Love is like a paper cut, its small but still hurts.

Love is like looking at the stars, sometimes its bright, and sometimes dark.

Love is like a hammer, it fixes. 

Love is like getting robbed, sometimes you don't want it taken from you.

Love is like a tight rope, its hard to balance. 

Love is like pain, it can be intense or continuous. 

Love is disturbing.

Love is frustration, you cant figure it out. 

Love is love, nothing can beat it

Love is magical, it can be fake or real.

Love makes us alive.

Txting

Hey:)

Hey:)

What's up?:)

Nothing much. Wbu? 

Just chillin writing an english paper. How are you?

Good Wbu?

Same Here. Hows your day been?

Alright havent done much Wbu?

Same here. been pretty lazy.

Alright well ttyl. 

Night.

No wonder our generation is so dumb. This was a conversation I had face to face. Txting. 

Disconnecting

I am not a robot

I am not a robot because

I am not a robot because robots don't mess

I am not a robot because robots don't mess up 

I am not a robot because robots don't mess up relationships

I am not a robot because robots don't feel

I am a human. 

Maybe thats why when you said I didn't care it was like being un-plugged.

Like the battery to my heart died. 

I know it was my fault.

It's hard to be the same person with the same "programing" for so long when all I was used for was a coat hanger for your problems. 

Maybe I was a robot. Your robot. 

Not anymore. 

You pulled out my memory card, so i'm forgetting you. 

I remember

I remember when I was a kid I would hide little objects places where no one would know where they were except me. I did this so one day ill go back and find them, and see if my hiding place was good enough.

 Am I the only one that would sit in their room and clench their teeth so hard that I nearly farted trying to find out if i had super powers? After many attempts I found out I don't. 

I remember getting laundry baskets and putting them together and pretending like I was driving a train. I would always be in the back with my brother in the front. 

I remember getting in fights with my brother on who was right and who was wrong. My face would always turn so red as i screamed the dumbest things at him. 

I remember spilling a whole two quarts of lemonade all over the table and getting yelled at so i ran away. I don't think I even lasted  thirty minutes. Came home and made new lemonade and was perfectly fine. 

I remember putting myself to sleep with the corner of my blanket. I still have that blanket. Does is make me childish to still have it with me on my bed? I don't think so. My blanket is like a life line to my childhood. Just because its lame to still have it, doesn't mean i'm going to just throw it out? If my house was burning down and i could only save one thing it would be my blanket. 

 I remember having my mom pick me up from school every day, have sandwich waiting for me at home, and my favorite TV show on. The one with the toads? Ya i have no idea what the name of it is. Which is sad. 

 I remember graduating elementary school, middle school, and now high school. I hope I never forget my childhood because who doesn't like nap time? and snack time? and coloring time? I know I do. 

I remember formulas, facts, and functions now. It's like all these equations and problems are taking up to much space and are pushing my childhood memories into extinction. I just cant wait to get out of high school and become a little kid again. Life was just so much more simple. Im not saying life after high school is going to be easy like being a kid again. Im just saying that there wont be anyone stopping me from making my own future to remember.  

Drawing my own picture. 

Running

RUN FORREST, RUN

I still haven't figured out why everyone keeps telling me to run. I wish I was good at running. Im actually really slow. I don't even know how to run. I run like I write. connection? Yes.

If you aren't good at running you get fat. And fat is bad so does me not knowing how to write creatively mean that my writing is bad?  

Then you add this random box of chocolates. Now i'm obese. Great, I'm screwed.

I have no idea what i'm talking about.

I have no idea what i'm talking about.

I havent even seen the movie Forrest Gump.

Forrest Gump? Who's that.

HA. Just a pen name for this blog. We all have one. So we can hide and write really inspirational stuff that would be embarrassing if people knew who we where saying it. 

Which is contradicting because when someone does write something really good no one knows who wrote it.

I wanna be one of those kids that can write really deep hidden meaning stuff, stuff that makes people be like, wow. 

Thats obviously not gunna happen...

because i realize wait i'm fat, and have a box of chocolates.

and suck at writing, which then makes me a tourist. 

Dont tourist walk a lot though? 

Walking burns calories. Which makes you less fat. 

Gotta start somewhere Right?

So i guess keep telling me to run.

So maybe one day i will.